Adam FANtasy Contest Entry.
Adam Lambert loves shoes.
Passing a favorite hoof haunt one day, there they were. Adam wasn't quite sure what the appeal was.
Not quite his color or style, but they seemed to hold sway over him. Adam never looked at the price or
the shoe size, but he HAD to have those shoes.
Unpacking them in his condo, he felt the softness of the leather. 'My', he thought, 'what seductive leather'.
POOF!! Rising out of the toe of the right shoe was a blip of cheap pyro you'd buy at your local 7-11 for July 4th,
and out came a tiny figure with a not so booming voice proclaiming...'At your service, Saladam!'
Here was a genie that eerily looked like David Arquette.
'What the hell are you doing here, David, and WHAT are you wearing? Bit ~sheer, isn't it?
Are you sure you aren't looking for Raja?'
(Gazing at full harem garb, straight out of 'I love Jeannie'.)
'So I freelance..you got a problem with that? You don't like the look? I'm a genie, not a lap dancer.
What SHOULD I look like? BTW, the name is Arquettii..David owns the clubs.'
Saladam shook his head. 'This isn't happening..I've been working too hard is all.'
'Well, let's get down to business...time's a wastin' and these 3 wishes are burning a hole in my burka.'
'I am going to put you in my closet and forget I ever dreamed this', murmured Saladam.
Saladam opened his closet door (one of 15) and it was an avalanche of shoes, shirts, accessories..a mess.
'Holy crap, you almost crushed me, Saladam! I'm here to make your day and this is how you repay me?',
growled Arquettie.
'I wish this closet was organized. There. Show me your stuff, Arquettie.'
'At your service, Saladam'..
'QUIT CALLING ME THAT'..
'Not til we're out of genie mode, sorry, bro..
ABRACADABRA..DONE!'
Saladam glanced in the closet. His shoes were in one pile, his shirts in another, coats in the corner.
'What have you done? This isn't organized!'
'Look, Saladam, I do wishes, I do not perform miracles. You'll have to look somewhere else for that.
Maybe in your 'For Your Entertainment' album. Next...'
'Fine..I wish for a pedicure', Saladam said cryptically. 'Let's see how you can mess that up'.
Saladam checked his toes out and they were bio-luminescent..NO, they were holographs. Saladam
had holographic toenails.
'Holy crap, D...Arquettie..these are kinda funky'.
'Hey, you wanna waste a wish, waste it big, I say. Don't trip over your feet now.
This genie business is hot work..you got any windows that open in this place?'
Rivulets of sweat were running down Arquettie's bodice.
'Actually', Saladam said, 'it's wall to wall windows but the only window that opens is in this closet.'
'Makes sense', Arquettie mused, 'shoes and all. You don't wear socks with your shoes, Saladam. I mean,
gross. You gotta have a closet window.'
'Right about now, YOU and these shoes are taking a one-way trip OUT this window!'
'But, but, you still have one wish'.
'I WANT TO WRITE WITH DAVID BOWIE', Saladam screamed.
Out the window the shoes and Arquettie flew, but his tiny parachute opened in time for the shoes to land
gently by the sidewalk on Sunset Blvd.
A distinguished gentleman passing happened to see the shoes and stopped in his tracks. 'THESE SHOES! I
never pick up shoes off the street, but I can't keep my hands off them. A little dust here..I'll just wipe...'
POOF! 'Arquettie at your service today, sir. I can grant you 3 wishes..what would be your desires today?'
'A genie..a real genie! This IS my day. I've always wanted my own genie since I first became a rock star!'
The gentleman was flushed with excitement.
Pondering the shoes, the man said..'I wish these shoes were red.'
Voila..red shoes.
'These are perfect! I am getting ready to go on tour and these shoes are exactly what Ziggy and I were
searching for. And that look you have..mind if I rip it? Ziggy is a sucker for harem'.
'It's been around the block' said Arquettie, 'but have at it.'
'Are you from the neighborhood, oh genie of mine?'
'Yeah, on my off time when I'm not trying to make the world a happier place, I own a couple clubs'.
The gentleman leaned over to Arquettie, almost confidentially. 'I hear that an Adam Lambert lives around
here. Is that so?'
'Yeah, he's practically on top of us..hee, hee.' ( Genies are allowed to hee hee)
'A friend of mine sent me a video of this Adam/Saladam singing one of my songs. Jamming, you know.
He's good. Very good. I'm kinda coming out of being reclusive. Do you think he'd be a person I'd be
comfortable with or is he like all the other Divas in LA?'
(Arquettie thinks fast..I mean..#Divas..what to say?)
'Saladam is totally ZOT!'
'ZOT?'
'ZOT!'
'Ziggy and I will dig this dude then..ZOT is the stuff legends are made of, you know. Let that be my
second wish..to meet this Adam Lambert..er, Saladam.'
Camera slowly pans away..an animated discussion is happening between a man and a pair of shoes, since
genies are invisible to the 'ones without magic'.
And elderly lady walks by and shrugs. 'LA used to be such a nice place to live.'
11 stories above in a condo with black curtains blocking out the hot LA sunshine, Adam Lambert sits in
a chair with his head in his hands.
'I threw out a pair of shoes'..he mumbles..'I threw out a pair of shoes'...
FINI???? You decide.
