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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 6:48:09 GMT -5
 Page 1. Jacob's Recaps (TWoP)STAFF INFO www.televisionwithoutpity.com/staff/Jacob
a.k.a
Jacob Clifton
Email
JAClifton@gmail.com
Likes
Stoli, Marlboro Red 100s, comics, efficiency, Biggy Shortie.
DisLikes
Sartorial apathy, waking up late, poor customer service, stalkers
Favourite Shows
Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The O.C., Big Brother, Laguna Beach, Weeds, Gossip Girl, Nighty Night, Nathan Barley, Farscape, Mad Men, The Riches
Bio
Jacob lives and writes in Austin, TX
Recaps
The Casino, Entourage, American Idol, The Apprentice, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, Farscape
Jacob's RecapsAmerican Idol 2009 Season 8 with Adam Lambert (Scroll down to Adam's 1st mention in 8-3 "Paula Had A Very Hit Song... When I Was A Child.") www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american-idol/recaps.phpJacob's Recaps Download (terra)Terra @alternaterra 27m I’ll make a mobi version soon for Kindle readers Terra @alternaterra 29m I’ll link the recaps to Adamwiki now that TWoP is about to be taken down so you can always get them here: www.adamwiki.org/wiki/American_Idol_Season_8 … Terra @alternaterra 35m I can make an improved PDF version later if people want that. The old one had some formatting issues Terra @alternaterra 36m All right, here’s my properly formatted ePub version of Jacob’s AI8 recaps goo.gl/wAmFmN TWOP site - get copies Ok history gals and guys. I've got our TWOP threads copy issue fairly solved using what they call an "offline browser" to download each topic. It's not just point and shoot so only get it if you comfortable with computer experimentation (no programming involved) and try it out on some smaller threads before moving to Adams. You can get the 30 day trial at www.metaproducts.com/ (I used the Pro version). I'd suggest Q3 or someone purchase a copy for future backups here at ATOP. It creates html files with working links so things actually get stored in folders like a regular web site and not just as files. To give you an idea of speed, I downloaded Adam's Take Two thread of 500 pages in three minutes. To take advantage of my day and a half of experimentation you can DM me here at ATOP with your email and I'll send you screenshots of how to set it up and create the macro so that it will get all the pages from each topic. GYPSY SCRIBBLES: “Because he is a pumpkin pie of a person.” (Quotes about Adam from TWOP's Jacob) by Gypsy Ophelia Dec. 12th, 2010 at 6:32 PM gypsy-scribbles.livejournal.com/99050.html |
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 6:53:09 GMT -5
Link to this entry: atop.proboards.com/post/487993/threadwww.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/auditions_san_francisco.php?page=8www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/auditions_san_francisco.php?page=9[/video][/div] "Paula Had A Very Hit Song... When I Was A Child." Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2009.01.21 Auditions: San Francisco - Tilda Swinton beatboxes, Ellen Page builds this city, and several deeply uncomfortable spazzes give us the best they've got. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/auditions_san_francisco.php"Viva La Vida" introduces us to freckly emo-haired cutie Adam Lambert (26, Hollywood), who thinks he's got a shot. He's been in the cast of Wicked for like a year and a half, and will be singing "Bohemian Rhapsody." Two facts which in combination scare me more than maybe anything. Simon falls in love immediately, because he knows you can sell this shit. Every band in what used to be the TRL bracket is just like this: gay, with hair like this. We are turning into Japan and don't even know it. So Adam sings his song just like he's been in the cast of Wicked for like a year and a half, and -- and I do not mean this in a bad way -- has been stabbed in the abdomen. More secrets than Jason Castro's little brother, this one.
Paula loves it, Kara gets pissy with Simon for no reason, Randy thinks he has a shot at the bigtime, Simon is in, and he's through. Kara and Adam talk about his "crush" that he's had on Paula since he was ten, and Adam pretty much ignores Kara completely because she's making him uncomfortable, to the point where she gives him a last-ditch wink, but whatever, go watch him on YouTube because this lady is secretly the talented Chris Crocker and maybe the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life, and I cannot WAIT to see him freak out all over America's face. He's like what would happen to Sanjaya in prison. He's like if Ziggy Stardust and Cyndi Lauper had a very magical, very gay baby with an unbelievable range and the ability to shoot glitter and cocaine and entire battalions of Pussycat Dolls out of his hoo-hah.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/auditions_san_francisco.php?page=8
Altogether there were twelve tickets to Hollywood tonight: Kai, a pretty blonde chick who enjoys jumping up and down and hangs with a woman with an awesome white stripe in her auburn hair; the girl who sang "Son Of A Preacher Man" to a lady; a fake redhead with a pink scarf; Adam from the theatre with black emo bangs and obligatory messenger bag gone wild on his person; the annoying pink-haired girl; fucking Tatiana; a hot girl in a sweater-dress and long Diana Ross locks; that guy that whored out six fucking generations of his family; a girl in an orange hoodie under a brown hoodie over an aqua tank over a white tank over who knows what else; happy skipping Grobanite Twiford; somebody else. Tomorrow: Louisville, KY. Where there are horses, mint julep, horrible singing, and the distinction of being a town in Kentucky people have heard of. See you there.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/auditions_san_francisco.php?page=9 |
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 6:57:46 GMT -5
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 6:59:52 GMT -5
"I Saw An Evil! In Her Eyes!" By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 9 | Aired on 2009.02.04 Hollywood: Group Night! - From 107 down to 75, just in time for the Chair next week. Among the fallen: Emily the Strange, Shoeless Rose, Jailbait Austin and Bikini Kill. Surprising successes? Performin' Norman, Crybaby Headband, and Psychedelic Tatiana. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_group_night.phpThen a bunch of groups are dunked. Jeremy Michael Sarver, whose names are constantly changing but whose roughneck hotness goes unchanged, steps up; Adam Lambert does his whole amazing thing, with that fake black hair and horrible skin; Matt "Certain Kind Of Porn" Breitzke rocks; his teammate Jesse Langseth does some awesome stuff; more Lambert with his entire crazy wonderland of weirdness; and both groups do well. I only recognize a few people, but I really like that Jesse girl. And Lambert, as long as he stays totally weird. And learns about exfoliation, stat.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_group_night.php?page=10
And who made it through? Those four long-haired girls of Meghan's, including a fedora girl, blind guy, vote-splitters Lambert and Von, a small girl, the roughneck and the non-roughneck, a man in a hat, tall Junot in a crazy shirt, Argyle Sweaters Cuomo, India, apparently one of the members of Fall Out Boy, Castro's whole group I think, a more palatable Emily that I vaguely remember -- Alexis Grace, maybe? -- that Kai dude with the awful curly hair and cute mom, the creepy gay kid, the Third Fanning and what looks to be a single mom if ever I saw one, a girl totally embarrassed by the two aforementioned celebrants, that asshole from Silver Lake, FOB's creepy/hot lip-licking friend and their meth-using compatriot-slash-typing pool secretary, manhugs in abundance, a guy who is not Castro but completes the FOB foursome, more hugging -- always with the hugging, and always turned away from the camera so it matters even less -- the three chicks of Castro with Castro far behind, and the giganticest granola: Danny Gokey's whole group with angels and Smurfs bringing them tea in cute little magic cups.
Group Day has ended with 75 hopefuls for the final day of Hollywood.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_group_night.php?page=13 |
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 7:03:34 GMT -5
"So That's A No?" By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2009.02.10 Hollywood: The Sorting Hat - The Top 72 become the Top 54, wasting an hour of our time and a week of theirs. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_the_sorting_hat.phpFirst up: Adam Lambert, whom Kara found to be too musical theatre still. Paula agreed, but then disagreed with herself. Simon didn't seem to like him that much, but he's clearly talented and can make money. Ryan blanches when he says he's chosen to sing "Believe" by Cher; he assures us it won't be horrible, and then it sort of is. Of course, it's horrible in the most fascinating way, like one of those sad slow piano covers everybody must do from time to time, and I can't say I didn't ask for these kinds of mash-up outside-the-box ideas. It's a little cooler in concept than it could ever be in execution, which seems to be Adam's specialty. Good thing his voice is Broadway-trained, even if it's a bit sharp throughout. Also, it is a good thing that he is a lady.
Do you believe in life after Adam Lambert? Matt Giraud, the Louisville dueling-pianist who reminded Simon of Elliott. He sings "Georgia On My Mind" on the piano, and rocks it out.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_the_sorting_hat.php
Room 1: Lambert and Silver Lake cuddle creepily, and then Paula comes in looking possessed. Ravenclaw is the most obvious room so I won't waste time: overthought Lambert and Silver Lake, Mathlete Anoop, way-overwrought Danny and Jamar, Drama Mama and Giraud, a blonde girl we met earlier, and of course Blind Guy, Lil Rounds and Scott MacIntyre.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_the_sorting_hat.php?page=6
But for serious, I can't believe how little we've actually accomplished here. From 72 to 54? What? Why not eliminate two rooms and be done? Because then there would be no Chair. And I do love the Chair. Whatever, my spirit is already broken this week. I hope for the Chair not only that Danny and Jamar will be face-off'd, but also that they will give Tatiana and Normund a couple of knives, lock them in a janitor's closet, and see what happens. Every single goddamn time Tatiana gets through, it hurts worse. It's like a Greek punishment myth, only instead of your liver growing back it's Tatiana del Toro.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_the_sorting_hat.php?page=7
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 7:05:01 GMT -5
"Just Try, For Once, Not To Be Annoying." By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 11 | Aired on 2009.02.11 Hollywood: The Chair - If you have any faith at all in this show, you will more than likely be surprised by the Top 36. If you actually exist, however, trust us: this is going to be the awesomest season ever. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_the_chair.phpAlex walks Cody out awkwardly, and Cody's broken heart is pretty much the saddest thing in the world. Ryan's like, "That's fucking horrible, right?" Alex is more concerned with Cody staying upright. Outside, Silver Lake runs to Cody and acts like she's shitting out her entire digestive system, Alex and Cody have a little hug, and Lambert is sad that his Mini-Me is done.
Adam heads inside, looking fly from far away. We remember his screechy and emotional "Believe" from last night, and remember -- as the forums made abundantly clear -- that we're seeing what would happen if Clay and Constantine had a little bit of a baby. Simon's like, "We love you? But Jesus, dude." He wonders if Adam could win the show, or sell records. (No, and Yes.) Simon admits that his part in the unanimous decision is surprising, and then gets flirty letting Adam know that he's in. "Now's the time to get dramatic," Kara says, but he hugs her anyway. He is totally professional and charming leaving them, and get lots of applause from the crowd: Jamar, Kai, and Alex getting snubbed. That's three.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/hollywood_the_chair.php?page=2 |
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 7:08:32 GMT -5
"It's Steven Tyler meets Fall Out Boy meets Robert Pattinson!" By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 14 | Aired on 2009.02.25 Semifinals: Group B - The second herd of 12 competes for the next three spots, or something. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.phpHere they are: Jasmine in a Pink Lady jacket, Dueling Piano Matt with dueling piano airguns, Jeanine whom I don't recognize, "Nick" making creepy Phantom Of The Paradise moves at the camera, Allison with the red hair, Kris that cute guy we never saw, Megan "Joy" Corkrey wearing a pregnancy dress with white fuzzy dice, Bear Porn Matt, Jesse Langseth looking like she's coming for Bella Swan at the Prom, Kai's horrible Snoopy-Ears hair, the suddenly frightening Mishavonna, and the always frightening Adam Lambert with a fake tan and thirty necklaces working it like they're storming Kiamo Ko and the rent is due.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.php Next up: Kris Allen, who is so hot it's unbelievable and who will be singing "Man In The Mirror," which will be weird. I wish we'd seen more of him because if I have to look at these bitches for months and months, I would take this guy over just about everybody. Who knows if he has a good voice yet, but I'm rooting for him, because this job can be hard and get you down. It's not like every week you find out you broke some poor fat guy bad enough that he ended up in Playgirl. You know? It's those moments. Is this one of them? He's fine. He's a good performer, his jaw goes sideways when he sings which I always like, his pitch and control are very good. I almost feel like his voice counts against him because you have so many options for second-guessing yourself when the person looks like that, and you also have so many options for hateration if you feel like your chosen pony is getting dicked by this cute guy.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.php?page=9
Kara complains about his song choice, which is valid I'm assuming but we can't really know since this guy just came out of nowhere; Paula looooves him; Simon also loves him. Paula kisses him for agreeing with her. Simon admits he's not the best guy singer -- namedrops Danny, actually -- but that he is fabulous and commercial, which is better. There's the distinct feeling that Simon's addressing the under-the-radar thing by pumping him up, because he really does deserve to get through. Randy points out essentially that this is a great followup to Allison, and Ryan cannot take his hands off the kid, which is always a good sign. Oh, Kris. I do hope we will see you again. Next up, Megan. I'm half-expecting to see Ryan still attached to Kris after the commercial.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.php?page=10 ...guess who's up next.
Adam Lambert, man. I hate him because I hate all Adams except Adam Pratt because all Adams make me type "Adama," every single time. I just did it four times. And I hate him because dude, calm down. You are everything people should and do hate about Broadway. Literally. But really, I love him because he is what you call "inner-directed." There's lots of people who are just so into being themselves, whatever that means, and most of the time that means being just enough of themselves so that people won't murder them, or being what other people have told them are themselves to bring them down from the actual crazy that their actual selves would cause them to be, which is how you get a Danny Noriega.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.php?page=14
But Adam Lambert has figured out a way to do this strange thing without restricting it to one weird note; the downside is that when people actually have the wherewithal to do this, it means they are nuts to start with, because a sane person would eventually simmer down or be put on medication. Some artists, though, are so talented and so deeply crazy that the crazy takes them through all the floors of that building like a Wonkavator of crazy into the sky, and they end up someplace new, and I do love that, but I also recognize that it's how you get a Nick Mitchell. Or a Chris Crocker. But so if to this heady mélange you add David Cook's smarmy vision of himself as this millennial artiste -- which is really the best case scenario for where Nate might end up -- you get Adam Lambert. Which is half irritating as fuck, half sort of nightmarishly awesome, and altogether worth watching.
He points out the whole thing about how working in theatre is a mixed bag because on the one hand it's live all the time and you're competing with just the worst people on Earth and not only do you have to watch out for ladders and the aftcastle but you also have to remember that the show must go on no matter how down you are feeling, so even little kids better fucking toughen up and act right because a million kids want your job -- all good things, which I really admire -- but on the other hand, it ruins you for film and TV because you're used to singing to the back row, making faces they can see in the cheap mezzanines, all that, and if you try that shit on camera you are ... Tatiana. So Kara told him he was too dramatic to connect with the song, and he realized he was going to have to fix it. But did he?
...Wow. I don't have the words to codify this experience. It's sort of like getting held down and... snuggled to death... by the boys of Bel Ami. I don't feel overwhelmingly violated? And I can't say I'm not enjoying myself? But it's like this: I am upset deep inside sometimes when a performer has this thing, I don't know what it's called but it's like they have a secret. Like that sneaky, gleeful look that people get when they're on drugs and you're not. I can't handle that in my musicians. I don't like Peter Gabriel, because I feel like there's something he's not telling me, or there's a joke I'm not in on. Björk is like the ghost of a secret with many secrets of its own in a little elf hill, so she's fine. When I was very, very young I hated Tina Turner because I felt like she had a secret. Jason Castro's brother had many secrets. I can't think of any other people on this show with a secret. Clay had no secrets whatsoever. Jessica Sierra had the opposite of secrets. Constantine's whole problem was not enough secrets.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.php?page=15
And with Adam, I feel like he is trying to tell us maybe that we are the ones with a secret. Which is so troubling, and made more so by the fact that possibly, he is right. I don't know what my secret is, but I think Adam Lambert does. And I am supremely uncomfortable with that. It's tempting to say that Adam is the gay Constantine, except that fails on several basic levels number one being that nobody in history is gayer than Constantine, and secondly because people responded either really positively or really negatively to Constantine, and my entire response right now is basically a lack of response, and fear for my life. And it occurs to me that they are both theatre people, and maybe there's an explanation for this behavior.
He is not really very attractive, if you take it apart. His skin, I'm going to stop mentioning because enough already, but then there's his stupid girl hair and all the necklaces and the prancing. Oh, Lord, the prancing. But he's definitely a person who is attractive because they are awesome, not because their face is particularly special. And then there's the whole sex thing he's doing, which is basically like an advertisement for this thing called sex, like have you heard about it, which was another main reason I hated Constantine. But there's something balancing it out a little bit. Maybe because he honestly seems like he knows what he's doing, or finds the blatant sex stuff hilarious -- which we know he does -- or just the "you know you've thought about it," kind of offhanded willingness to raise the bar Constantine set so long ago. It's like I always tell my sister: "Sometimes slutty is good, because boys are dumb."
But his voice is good, and can do backflips and your laundry at the same damn time, which is impressive. He has no sense of shame whatsoever, which makes me nervous but serves you well in this kind of game. He seems brilliant and unbearable and up his own ass, which are all attractive qualities. And slutty is, again, good. So I guess... I sort of have a crush on this little performance. Yeah, I gotta say: Put it all together and I am buying it. Or am I? I don't know. It's just ... weird. I'm sorry I keep spinning my wheels here, but I feel weird and crazy.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.php?page=16
Adam Lambert just basically did a Normund Gentle skit about dudes literally fucking -- to the tune of "Satisfaction" -- and I find I have no ill will toward him at all: it's "Tainted Love" all over again, but like the person holding the sledgehammer this time actually knows what to do with it.
Ugh, I'm so done. At least the 90-minute burnout didn't show up. Paula's like, "That was like not being here at all and instead being at the Adam Lambert concert," and tells him he's far and away the best this week. True, or not true. Simon's like, "I feel weird and crazy. True or not true. Either way, this is going to make people feel weird and crazy and act weird and crazy." Randy's like, "I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU." Then he makes a list of every boys' name he -- or I -- ever scrawled on a Trapper Keeper: "It's Steven Tyler meets Fall Out Boy meets Robert Pattinson!" I cannot believe that Randy Jackson just named Robert Pattinson as his number three crush. That is so magical. I want to watch Twilight with Randy Jackson. That is a lie, because obviously really I want to watch Twilight with Ryan Seacrest, but Randy can come.
And so then most awesomely that's exactly what happens -- Ryan's like, "Edward Cullen! He called you Edward!" -- and then even more awesomely Adam Lambert is like, "I know! My favorite book!" And it's... Is this what it's going to be like this year? Ryan and Randy and Adam squealing about Twilight and climbing all over each other? Is Adam Lambert the Peter Sarsgaard of this show and can turn everybody gay even your boyfriend? I know I, for one, feel a little bit gayer than when we started. Don't you? Thanks, Adam.
Usually at this point I give thought to who will go or win or die or whatever happens on this show, but now I just don't even have it in me. That got so bizarre so fast, just like I knew it would, but I forgot it was a marathon and not a sprint, and all I can say is that I will probably still be feeling weird and crazy this time tomorrow, and hopefully you will too. See you there.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/semifinals_group_b.php?page=17 |
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 7:10:46 GMT -5
"I'm Like A Big Destiny Person." By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 15 | Aired on 2009.02.26 Results: Group B - The male and female winners of the week are pretty obvious, as are the losers from this week's performances, and we say goodbye to multiple old friends, but the gender-neutral choice just might surprise you. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/results_group_b.phpGroup sing! Ne-Yo's pretty song "Closer" involves: Adam trying to have more sex with you and in that department outshining Matt G, who is wearing an old lady scarf around his shoulders like a nod to the crisp Eastern European weather and itching to grab his crotch; Matt B bouncing awkwardly while Kai revolves his hips in a creepily overexcited, snaky, gay stripper way while trying to be sexy into the camera and basically just coming off like a deranged Sunday School teacher at Happy Hour; and then weirdest of all there's Nick looking once again like he wandered onstage after deserting his mental hospital's day trip to the studio, while next to him Kris does some kind of gay b-boy gyration dancing that says, "I know I'm going home tonight and I'm cool with that. But damn, am I adorable or what?" Then Giraud gets super-squatty, Adam upstages everybody of course, Matt looks completely lost, Kris goes into a total funk meltdown, and Nick is... still onstage. Then they all go into a shoulder-dipping, finger-snapping bit of business, and that's the best part.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/results_group_b.php
The harmonies are nice, but the terrified awkwardness of Nick and Matt B in one shot -- especially when they're having to share the screen with Adam -- is really too much to bear. Then, as a total spoiler alert for you, Adam goes over to one set of girls and upstages them, while Matt G hangs at the back of the other half of the girls, and the remaining four dudes literally just wander around for awhile. Then the same shit happens some more, and then some more. Matt B is starting to make me uncomfortable with how much he shouldn't be here, but not as much as the Diva Wars that continue throughout between Adam and Nick Mitchell. Ladies, please.
Jesse leans back against Kris and mugs terrifyingly for the camera, looking like a pageant contender but for, like, Queen of Porn. I hope she watches that after her elimination and realizes how desperate and Nip/Tuck she looks right now, because man. We visit the kids backstage, which amounts to Adam, Crazyface, and Nick mythologizing themselves; remember Simon pointing out that the time for advice is over; and then some highlights. Which I don't need to be messing around with right now, especially when half of it is Nick Mitchell making a mockery of like everything ever.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/results_group_b.php?page=2
"That leaves us with these three: Nick, Normund and Adam." Simon says he prayed for five or six hours nonstop to send Nick home, and Adam's pants are... Much like Clay Aiken and Constantine Maroulis, they could stand to keep a few more secrets. The reason Age Of Innocence is sexier than 9 1/2 Weeks is the exact reason Adam should rediscover the concept of underwear, like, today. If the whole idea is to make us wonder what sex with you is like, stop demonstrating for us what sex with you is like, and what your penis looks like, and what your o-face looks like, because first of all I sort of feel like I've already done you, which is instant death to smoochy, but mostly because out here in the world, actual sex is the least sexy thing there is: sometimes pornographic cinema films are appropriate, and sometimes they are stomach-turning, and you have to know the difference. I guess when I asked for adult male homosexuality instead of that creepy Keroppi dickless gayness of Clay and Danny -- and let's not forget Nate next week -- I should have been more specific, because I got exactly what I asked for:
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/results_group_b.php?page=5
Nick and Adam. Nick or Adam. I prefer Adam pretty much every way there is, but it's still pretty awesome that it comes down to this. Nick is going home, and Adam is through to the Top 12. Everybody cheers for Nick, and Adam is all about him, and then sings his little song again. And the fact that it's a note-for-note, shot-for-shot reiteration of last night is more than anything comforting, because it means that this is an act and not a psychotic sex break, and he's capable of turning it on and off. So anyway, that's half of the Top 12, and then Wednesday we'll get three more, and then on Thursday we'll have the last three Wild Cards, and then the show can start. And we'll never have to deal with Nate Marshall or Nick Mitchell again.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/results_group_b.php?page=6
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 7:12:29 GMT -5
Top 13 Performance Black or White
From The Michael Jackson Catalog
"It's Fine Being Artistic, Just Not On This Show." By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 19 | Aired on 2009.03.10 Top 13: Performances - Michael Jackson Night! A truly shocking amount of enjoyable performances, and a tattooed girl does an offensive chicken dance. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_performances.phpOMG so many. There are so many of these jerks. After Megan Joy Corkrey's cute shoes comes Adam Lambert, still wearing so much pancake all over his face it's like the Pillsbury Doughboy got him this job, if you know what I'm saying, and I think you do, then Matt Giraud does a little dance that says, "I don't think I really deserve to be here either, but let's do this." Then Alexis does some strange little vamping move off the stairs and looks exactly like Crista Flanagan in an ugly sexy-overalls type outfit that only works if there's some kind of Fosse in our future, a prospect about which I am of exactly two minds. What in hell is the theme?
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_performances.php?page=2
Adam talks about how he fled NYC to the West Coast, and that it has been rough as hell. He says if he'd done it five years earlier, he would have been killed by the horrors of LA. His adorable parents are like, "It's good to be happy with what you're doing, and also to make money." This little package has done more to make me like him as a person than all of the wiener-wagging freakshow cabarets that have ever existed. Way to go, show. And now he will be singing "Black Or White." My theory is that he will do it in some fucked-up way and I will go apeshit because that's what I like, but then I can't imagine this song without that signature guitar riff, which pretty much defines the song. I do know that I'm not deleting this off my TiVo when I turn in this recap, like I usually do, because at least three people have been asking me without any irony, on a weekly basis, when "that guy is going to be on that show" again. Which means the rockband hipsters and violinists of east Austin, at least, are on Adam's side.
Okay, I've been searching my soul tonight, and it's like this. Adam Lambert is not attractive to me in an actual way. Like, as a normal person he seems awesome, but onstage I get that same ooky feeling as Freddie Mercury, or looking at David Bowie's balls in Labyrinth. And I remember that lots of people thought he was attractive in that movie, and I think maybe this was in the same way as Adam Lambert, and either way I don't really get it. But the best way to say it, and I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more than anything to see them kiss each other.
You know the feeling? Not explicitly sexual, just this extreme sense of intrigue and fascination. And it's not good or bad, this feeling, but sort of dangerous and simultaneously waaaaay over there where it can't touch me or implicate me in any way. I don't know what the young, straight male equivalent is, although I posit that it might also be Adam Lambert.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_performances.php?page=14
See? Words, again, fail to properly and entirely express what Adam Lambert is like. We are struggling here with the limitations of the genre. I will say that there is catwalking, and just enough emphasis on the romantic parts of the lyrics that you realize the whole song is less a protest against monochrome colors like I always thought, and more about interracial dating as an expression of something or another. There are some explosions or something, and everybody in the audience goes insane the whole time, and all the lights are black and white. (Which ones? Doesn't matter.) And there's a part that is sort of like the apocalypse.
Paula keeps telling the contestants to "take it all in," and for once the crowd is so fucking out of their minds that it seems like a good thing to say. "Never in the history," Paula says of this show, have we seen anybody so comfortable onstage and performing. "Your innate ability to know who you are as an artist, and marry fashion with music," she says. They're both crying pretty hard at this point. I can't imagine what it is like in that audience right now. Something between Oprah and right before an electrical storm. I think I would love to be there, because insane crowds really do it for me, but I also think afterwards I would sleep for a week, grouchily. I'm getting tired just watching these people gnawing on their own arms and pulling out their hair like this.
And then Simon drives them even fucking crazier by pointing out that Adam is in an entire different league from the whole other 12, which makes him and Paula cry even more. Dude, if Adam Lambert won this show I would buy the world a Coke. The judges continue to freak out on him and tell him he could break the charts if he made a record today, and nobody can even fucking handle it, and Kara's like "you invented entire notes" and "I hope Michael Jackson is watching tonight."
Right before Adam actually combusts, Ryan runs in and does the Ryan thing that he does, which is stand back and stare him in the eyes so he doesn't crumble onto the stage with how intense everything just got, and Adam immediately calms down. Ryan holds one hand on the small of his back and gives the numbers, and Adam chills out just long enough to get the hell off the stage. I don't think I need to watch the actual performance again, because it did make me nervous a little bit, but I am totally rewinding the judges' panel. That was awesome.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_performances.php?page=15
Matt G... singing "Human Nature"!
I'm just glad they played him after Adam and before Alexis, because really it's just like the show started with Adam anyway, and Alexis is obviously going to do something amazing too, so it's a nice little triple-shot where he stands the least chance of being swallowed up.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_performances.php?page=16
So what have we got?
Way at the top I've got Adam and Allison, and Matt G.
I can't even begin to guess how it's going to shake out this week, though, because of the Danny/Scott factor and the fact that we all probably have MJ songs that we're especially attached to, that are different for everybody. I'm glad nobody sang "Bad" or "Billie Jean," because that would have been boring and gotten them unearned votes. I wouldn't even bother running an office pool this week, because there's just a lot of information we don't have yet. Eightball says "UNCLEAR" at this time, but this time tonight we'll know if anybody even needs to bother against Danny or Scott -- though I guess if you don't like their style of singing you could say the same about Adam and Allison, that they're coasting on a thing people respond to instead of actual talent. Mostly I'm just happy with how talented and fresh this crowd of folks is turning out to be.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_performances.php?page=18
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Post by 4Ms on Mar 30, 2014 7:14:13 GMT -5
Turns Out I Can Say Goodbye, Actually By Jacob | Season 8 | Episode 20 | Aired on 2009.03.11 Top 13: Results - Two down. www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_results.phpGroup sing: a "medley of Michael Jackson hits" which amounts to a medley of "I Want You Back" and "ABC," which it turns out are the same song.
Mostly, having Sarver/Gokey/Lambert all attempting to flirt with you at once is about the skeeziest thing imaginable, especially when it also involves highlighting Danny's fucking goon moves all over the place while the rest of them clap and point at how awesome he is. I guess this is a reference to how he can't dance from last night, and possibly a little signal to us that he can't dance, but Adam sure can, so probably Jesus prefers Danny. He would.
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_results.php?page=2
Ryan refers to both "Lambert" and "Sarver" by name...
The pimpmercial is one we've seen before: all of them on various sides of buildings, singing "We Will Rock You."
The lights are dimmed. [Sarver, Allison and Matt G are safe.}
Next is Kris, who gets fifty times as much applause from the audience as any of the non-heavies. [Kris is safe.]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_results.php?page=3
[Jasmine out and Megan safe.]
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_results.php?page=4
Gokey gets even more screams than Kris, and makes a dipshitty face about it, was told he'd be in the finals, and is obviously safe. Anoop heads to the stage without even being told.
Next is Adam, who might be getting more cheers but certainly is getting more insane ones; he got the same treatment as Danny, but actually deserved it, and will be safe. [Lil is safe.] So it's down to Jorge and Anoop...
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_results.php?page=5
Then, finally, Jorge goes home.
So that's the whole deal, I guess, and next week we'll jump from the Top 13 to the Top 11, which is so much smaller than 36 that I want to kiss it right on the mouth. Have a great week, stop emailing me if you are crazy and/or can't actually read -- because it's possible after this week that I just might ignore you -- and please remember to take the time this weekend to enjoy some wonderful Michael Jackson, Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson tunes, and drink some delicious Coca-Cola. Now in Diet flavor!
www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/american_idol/top_13_results.php?page=6 |
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